And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
