i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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