he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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