I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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