Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
