She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
