Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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