Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
