I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
