this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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