he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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