JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
