The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
