Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Bring me that man meat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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