Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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