y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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