i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
