We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
