Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
