I feel great
I just peed on a car
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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