Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
