i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
