Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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