I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
