When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
