You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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