If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
