He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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