Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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