I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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