Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
