a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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