Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
