I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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