I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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