as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
