Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
