In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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