So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
