ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
