Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
