Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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