how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
