I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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