its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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