i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
