hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
