I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
