The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
