Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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