i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
