she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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