the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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