Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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