I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
