If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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