You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just cropdusted the office
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
