It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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