i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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