I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize