Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
