last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
