The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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