All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
