Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
