i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When are your genitals available?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
