The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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