mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
