good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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