Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
