I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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