my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Floor bacon is actually really good
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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